Monday, May 11, 2009

Are You Too Cool For Mother's Day?

Alright, so you heard about my little "Mother's Day crisis" last night. Well, today the whole Mother's Day plot thickens! *cue doomed music* So, when I left off with the lady on the phone yesterday, she told me yada, yada, yada, they can't get in touch with the florist, yada, yada, yada, but there would be a guaranteed flower delivery for my grandmother tomorrow (today) morning. 11 o'clock rolled by and I didn't get a call from my grandmother saying she received her flowers. I was beyond pissed. Once again, I called Florist Express/ ProFlowers, and waited for an hour to speak to a representative. When I finally had the opportunity to talk to an actual human being, the conversation went something like this:

Jade: Yeah, I paid $70 for an orchid arrangement that was supposed to be delivered by Mother's Day. It's officially a day after Mother's Day, and she still hasn't gotten anything.

Representative: I'm so sorry about the delay ma'am, what's your name and order number?

Jade: *repeats order number* I'm Jade.

Representative: Ok. I'm sorry ma'am but we tried getting in contact with the florist yesterday with the idea that they would have the orchid arrangement.

Jade: And they don't have the arrangement?

Representative: No they don't, but--

Jade: And you guys were planning on telling me this when??

Representative: Once again ma'am we're sorry for the inconvenience. What we can do is upgrade your order free of charge with an apology letter along with your Mother's Day card. Would you like that?

Jade: But what exactly is going to show up? Is it going to be the same orchid display that I saw online or something different?

Representative: It's going to be a little different, since the flowers are coming from another company in your area. Since you live in Miami, there shouldn't be any problems finding an orchid display, but just in case they don't have anything, would you want another arrangement of some fabulous roses and lilies?

Jade: *sighs* whatever...

Representative: We're on it now ma'am. Your flowers will be delivered by today. Once again, we offer our sincere apologies for this mishap and hope we will do business with you again.

Jade: Today huh? Sounds fabulous.

Representative: Yes today, we're working on it now.

Jade: Alright thanks.

Sounds pretty sweet and simple right? Well, after all that happened with this company, I wasn't any bit assured. So I went to class with a bucket of anxiety in my stomach. On one of my breaks, I got a text from my Mom saying that my grandma did indeed receive the flowers and they were orchids. When I called my mother back, I asked her what my grandmother's tone was like. Did she sound happy, disgusted, confused? Did she say the flowers were pretty?

My Mother's response? "She said they were interesting."

Ok... A two headed chipmunk is interesting. A chicken with eight legs is interesting. Watching a dog take a dump in the garden is interesting. Interesting isn't exactly the word I would use for $70 orchids.

"She wants you to come over and see them" my Mother said.

I had to mentally prepare myself to see the flowers... Mentally prepare myself for the $70 disaster.

When I finally arrived at my grandmother's house, I rushed in to see almost the same orchid piece I saw online. They weren't as bad as I thought... In fact, they were interesting, and the vase was pretty nifty. $70 worth? Not really, but I could deal with that. At least it wasn't a total disaster.

My grandmother gave me a kiss on the head and thanked me for my present, and I slumped down into the couch with relief, until my eyes caught a glance of the scribbled mess of a "Mother's Day" card on the table. I was expecting a cute image of a teddy bear hugging a heart with my neatly printed message inside the flap, but instead I got a damn post-it with chicken scratch scribbled on the surface. That's not even the best part. The best part was the message that read something like this:

To the best grandma in the Happy Mother's Day
Love, Baba

By the way Baba isn't my name... Baba is what we call my grandmother. And apparently she's the best grandma in the Happy Mother's Day...

After the whole flower fiasco, I couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous this Mother's Day was, this Mother's Day which spread to a span of two days. At least Baba found it amusing. She said she'd have the card framed.

In order to vent out my frustrations and amusement, I contacted my boyfriend. This call was a venting party for the both of us, because apparently, he had a Mother's Day mishap with his Mother's present too.

Pretty much the same thing happened with him. His mother didn't receive her Vermont teddy bear for Mother's Day either, but his call went something like this:

Boyfriend: Yeah, I placed an order to be delivered by Mother's Day. It never got to my Mother's house.

Representative: Hmm... According to my records, someone signed for them.

Boyfriend: WHAT? That's impossible she said she never got the gift.

Representative: Well it says here that a Juan Martinez signed for it.

Boyfriend: WHO?!

Representative: A Juan Martinez signed for it sir.

Boyfriend: Look, there isn't a Juan Martinez living in that house.

Representative: A house? Are you sure it's a house sir and not an apartment?

Boyfriend: I think I would remember where my Mom live-- wait a minute. Do you mind telling me the address to the place you sent it?

Representative: *gives him the address*

Boyfriend: Oh my God... You sent the bear to my apartment.

Representative: Oh no... Are you serious?

Boyfriend: Yes.

Representative: Well, if you'd like, you can ship the bear back to us and we can send it to the proper address!

Boyfriend: No thanks. I'll just ship it to her myself.

Representative: I'm sorry for the inconvenience sir!

There you have it... A list of Mother's Day "inconveniences". As crappy as these stories seem, I'm not going to hold a grudge. In the case of the Mothers in our lives, this will at least be an unforgetable Mother's Day.