A Song For Mrs. Coffee

Since Mrs. Coffee has been such a wonderful teacher this semester, I thought I would dedicate a song to her. After all, the semester is almost over!

If you want... Feel free to sing along. *Sing to the tune of Celine Dion's Because You Loved Me*

Because You Taught Me

You were my Ambien when I couldn't sleep.
You were so strange when we did meet.
You were so awkward in front of class.
Thanks for being a pain in my ass.

You bashed my papers, I don't know why.
Thank God next week I say bye bye.

I regret taking your class.
Because you taught me....

ABCs and 12Zs

School... This is a word that has been genetically embedded in our brain for generations to send emotions of dread, fear, and overall annoyance to our mind. While some people enjoy the idea of being trapped inside a cell with Mr. and Mrs. Monotone lecturing, and furthering their knowledge by "good quality education", others do not find this schedule too appealing. And then there are people stuck in the middle, like me.

I wasn't always like this. I used to be one of the ones who actually enjoyed waking up to go to class. But through the years, I've become numb with the agitating nonsense that goes on within the classroom. I still enjoy studying and believe it or not I do enjoy learning, but there are a few characters that make me question going to class in the morning.

• Professors who insist on being late to class: If I have to wake up early in the morning to deal with obnoxious characters, I expect the professor to be there on time. One semester I had a professor constantly come to class ten minutes late. That's ten minutes I could have been relaxing in bed.


• The laugh at their own jokes professors: These are the awkward professors who typically have a monotone voice (I've noticed). It's awesome when there's a lively, energetic, funny, professor. Unfortunately, that's rare to find. Instead, there's the extremely boring, nervous, repetitive, professors who decide to break the ice by having their own comedy routine. Of course, being a student, you have to laugh at the lame jokes to avoid being labeled "the bad student". I have one teacher this semester who I'll call Mrs. Coffee (whom you'll be hearing a lot about in this section). Mrs. Coffee enjoys opening up the class with her played out punchline with her tired, monotone voice: "I guess I should have had my second cup of coffee this morning." The first day of class, I admit it was "cute", but now she seriously needs some new material.


• Group Projects: This is a growing trend in classroom assignments. I've noticed that a bunch of people love the idea of group projects. I always wondered why, and now I know. These are the people that don't do any work. I understand that the point of a group project is to get different ideas and feedback from other people, but somehow, that's never the case. In almost all instances of group projects, I end up getting screwed over. There's always that one that doesn't do work, never shows up, never turns in their information on time, comes up with stupid excuses. Give me a break! And my grade is based on their laziness? Thanks!


• Professors who don't respect opinions: Mrs. Coffee fits in this category... I've never seen so many comments on any of my papers as much as I've seen on her assignments. She has even commented on my titles! Are you serious? You're going to bash my title? You haven't even read the damn paper yet! In her assignments, her students are asked to analyze aspects of certain literature works. Ok... Well, different people interpret literature in different ways. In her class, there's only one way to interpret a meaning and that's her way. Creativity is dead in this class.


• Being put on the spot: We've all been there. "Ms. Mason, what do you think about this situation?" Of course Ms. Mason has a phobia about public speaking... If a student doesn't feel like verbalizing their opinions, I don't think it should be counted against them. Some people are shy and get nervous ( ie: ME), a topic may not be appealing to that person, or that person could just be having a bad day.


• Stretching out class time as long as possible: It's 12:10, you look at the time, and...YES! It's almost 12:15. The teacher has run out of material (Mrs. Coffee), surely, class will be let out early. Of course not... Mrs. Coffee decides to hold the class till the very end rambling on and on about everything not related to the lesson. And if Mrs. Coffee isn't rambling, there's always someone eager to share their life story to the class PAST the ending time.


• Constant research papers/projects: Ever since third grade, I've been bombarded with meaningless projects and papers. What's wrong with a couple of papers or a couple of projects? To be honest, when you tell me to write a ten page research paper, that I could have sworn I wrote another one about this very topic, I stop learning. All I want from this point on is to finish the paper. And what's with these projects given to elementary school students? Making a dinosaur clock never made me learn a damn thing about Godzilla.
  

When I walk into most classrooms, the passion for learning is dead. The reason for this is because the passion for teaching is dead in some teachers. Most of the time, they're just trying to fill in another slot in their lesson plan. And people wonder why education is going downhill. Well, if a lesson is just another thing to fill the spot in a lesson plan, school is just another thing to fulfill a degree.

Is There a Doctor in the House?

As mentioned in a previous blog, I've been debating whether or not to get surgery done to fix my hyperhidrosis. I've finally come to the conclusion that I want to get this done. I've been weighing the pros and the cons of this surgery, and the pros do indeed outweigh the cons. While there's only a small chance something may backfire, there's a 95% success rate. The 5% drawback includes mild sweating occasionally on the back or face, and most of the people who do actually experience this say that it really doesn't bother them too much.

So let's put this in perspective, a 95% chance of getting rid of the Niagra Falls hands, or a 5% chance of experiencing a mild sweating on my back or face. Surgery, here I come! I think...

What influenced me into finally getting this surgery? Was it the fact that my boyfriend can't get a decent grip on my hand? Or perhaps it's the fact that my pen kept on slipping out of my hand during my last mid term exam. Well, to answer that question, it's both A and B, among a gamut of other reasons. But what really made me pick up the phone and call was an advertisement on the radio, introducing The American Institute of Hyperhidrosis.

After days of debating whether or not I actually wanted to go through with the surgery, I decided to fill out a form for a free consultation. I didn't know what to expect.

Surprisingly, I got a call the very next day (which was comforting). The only thing that irked me a little bit was that the woman called around 1 o'clock, when I specifically put on the application 3 o'clock was the best time to reach me. Of course I missed her call and had to play a game of phone tag with the receptionist. Needless to say, I never got in contact with the original girl that left me that message.

I did manage to talk to another woman who got all my health insurance information, and she assured me that someone would get back to me with precise details of the surgery, followed by the actual call from the doctor the very next day. A week has gone by and I still have not spoken to anyone about the surgery. It has been a constant juggling game between the receptionist and myself.

To make my blood boil further, I received an e-mail that was extremely unprofessional and random. Here's an exact replica of the e-mail:

(Phone Number)

Call for an appointment. The surgery works great.

"The surgery works great." Are you serious? The surgery works great? I've been trying to get in contact with these people for a week and I get an e-mail with no Dear, no sincerely so and so. Who the hell sent me this? What professional institute sends out letters like this? There are people who are jobless, and I have some idiot, who has a job, who is getting paid, to send out letters like this.

Now I'm really debating whether or not to get the surgery done from this place. If the receptionist sends out e-mails like this, I can't even imagine how the surgery will go.

(Cut here)

Bad news, I ran out of sutures. But on a lighter note, the surgery works great!

The Customer's Always Right

Being a member of the retail world, we have a saying: "The customer is always right." Unfortunately, I'm going to rebel against that statement and say: "No... The customer is not always right!"

Every job has its ups and downs. One of the perks is that I only get to work part time and practically get to manage my own schedule. On the other hand, we're working for minimum wage and working for some pretty rude characters. I'm not saying it's not my job to make the customer happy. It is in fact my job to make sure that the customer has a "happy experience". But I've found that working in the world of retail, some people make it so hard. Until I get a real degree and get out of school, I'm stuck dealing with the world of retail, so why not just make this mediocre job an interesting blog post by listing a few of these annoying characters?

• Unpleasant customers: Anyone working in any job, will tell you that it's not an enjoyable experience working with irritable people. Nothing compares to the fury of a grumpy customer. At Hollister, I admit, some of the clothes are teeny tiny. The largest size we have in women's is an 11 (which feels like an 8 or 9 in regular jeans). One woman came up to me, her face bright red, her arms shaking in madness, waving these jeans in the air. To begin with, she tapped my shoulder (or I should say finger punched), almost putting a dent in my shoulder blade and said: "EXCUSE ME. I'm a size 11, and I know I'm a size 11. These jeans don't fit. Do you have a larger size?" Being a trustworthy retail worker, going by the code: "The customer is always right", I put on a smile, and explained to the woman that our largest size in women's jeans is size 11. I also explained to her that the sizes do run smaller in this store, but I would be more than happy to go in the back and find her similar jeans that may fit better. I don't know what part of that explanation translated into: "you're fat", but she accused me of calling her a whale, threw the jeans at me, and stormed out the store.


• The Tattle Tale: These characters, I absolutely ADORE! These are the people determined to get you fired, no matter what it takes. Fortunately, I've only had to deal with two of these characters. The woman that stands out in my mind, made a big deal about a scarf she wanted to hold until the day after(a scarf... In Miami... ). Unfortunately, Hollister does not hold any items. I tried to explain this to her and she refused to listen to me. Going on a scarf rampage, she asked for my name and asked to speak to a a manager. Having absolutely no worries, I gave her my name and took her to the manager myself. Of course... when the manager explained the same exact spiel I did to the woman, she made a whole scene and stormed out the store. I guess she didn't like the idea of her not being right.


• The "That's Their Job" People: These are the people that think it's ok to totally screw up the displays and knock down articles of clothing from hangers with the assurance that: "they'll clean it up. It's their job!" I was working one day, and I had just finished neatly organizing a display case, when a group of women (seeing that I had just done this), started browsing through the clothes and started throwing them all over the display table. At least have the common decency to mess up the table when I'm gone, not while I'm standing there.


• The Fitting Room Slobs: These are the customers that try on a mountain of clothing and just leave it in the room. Come on... I'm standing right outside the door, you can't hand me the clothes that you've just tried on?


• The Indecisive Customer: These are the people that typically have a large amount of clothing to buy, the natural born shop aholics, that decide at the last minute they want to check out the cute little top in the corner over there. Meanwhile, there's a line of customers out the door, and you still have this pile of clothing on the counter, and some clueless person roaming around the store taking a half an hour to make up their mind.


• Managers Who Don't Lift A Finger: I understand that managers have their job to do, and the minimum waged retail workers have their job, but from what I've seen from some managers, their hard earned cashed is earned through chatting, flirting with the customers, and calling friends in the back room. When the days are busy, somehow they disappear, and the retail workers have to juggle the retail jungle by themselves. Fair? I think not...

There are some retail workers out there that do not know what they're doing and are lazy, but not all of them are. If you see someone trying to help you as much as they can, don't take it for granted. As much as people like to believe: "the customer is always right", in reality, that's not always the case.

10 Things I Hate About Shoes

People often say that the hair is the icing on the cake in a person's appearance. I disagree. Believe it or not, I think people can get away with the Mowgli look or even go back in time to the 80s ( just as long as you have the fashion sense to back it up). But nothing makes me cringe more than the sound or appearance of disturbing shoes. I could deal with a mullet, just for the love of God put on a decent pair of nice, clean, matching, simple, shoes. So here it goes, a list from one through ten of my common shoe problems:

1. Guys wearing sandals with long pants: I don't know when this fashion trend started, but can it please stop? For crying out loud, are you going to the beach or going on a date? I can't help but feel confused when I see this. First I see a nice shirt, some casual jeans, everything is covered up except for a pair of hairy feet. Why? I can understand wearing this mismatching combination when lounging at the house or not really doing anything that day, but out at the mall? I'm hoping that these mismatching faux pas are going to the mall to buy a new pair of shoes, because that sense of fashion just doesn't mix.
2. Loud Sandals: In this case, I understand that the "flopping" sound cannot be helped. I have a pair of these and it's impossible to shut them up. The light flopping I can take, but it's the shoes that sound like a broom is being beaten over a desk that I can't stand. These are normally caused by large platform sandals that girls wear. Get lighter sandals! You're tugging around huge logs on your feet, no wonder it sounds like a drum session.
3. Overly High Stilettos: I understand that some girls want to "appear" taller, just like some girls want to appear to have a larger chest, a smaller waist, and inch long eyelashes (yikes), but there's nothing wrong with a "little" heel. I always find it awkward when I see a girl dressed nicely, and then all of a sudden I see her with a pair of stilts. Meanwhile, they're stumbling around trying to act sexy in seven inch heels.
4. Stinky Shoes: Have you ever been in the situation where you're sitting in class or at the office, when all of a sudden you get a whiff of something that smells like road kill? Well, that's happened to me plenty of times. This typically happens with open toed shoes. Closed toed shoes are okay, because I don't have to smell them. It's the open toed ones you really have to watch out for. Here's some advice... Feet sometimes sweat,and sometimes they get wet from puddles. Whenever feet get wet, bacteria starts to grow inside the shoe. Since you're walking in them all day, and they don't have any room to breathe, the bacteria locks in and voila, that is when the smell comes. It's good to retire a pair of shoes and let them air out. Switch shoes every now and then. And in between breathing breaks, wash them out and spray them with Lysol. Once everything is sanitized, let them air dry in the sun. This will usually get the smell out.
5. Dirty Shoes: There's nothing worse than a pair of white shoes that turn grey with dirt and filth.
6. The War Shoes: These are the shoes that people refuse to give away. It's normally a favorite pair that has survived many heartbreaks and experiences with the owner for a couple of years. You know the ones... After years of walking in these shoes, they slowly but surely start to tear away. They're hanging by a single strap, or have barely survived through dog catastrophes. there comes a time in everyone's life when you just have to let go and toss the shoes in the trash. I have a friend that has a pair of these "war shoes" that she has had for over three years. She superglued/stapled/and taped these shoes to the best of her ability. But the mending won't fix the areas of cat scratches and strange stains. So I told her to let the shoes go... Unfortunately, it's a hard process for some people.
7. Tuxedo Shoes for WOMEN: Here's the story... I was in jury duty, doing some people watching (I refused to watch the Julia Robert's movie on the tv), when all of a sudden a girl sat next to me. At first, naturally I looked at her and said to myself: "wow, this girl is really dressed nice. I love her outfit!" when all of a sudden I looked to her feet and stared in horror at these hideous tuxedo heels. Luckily, I was one of the first group of people called into the jury room.
8. The New Trendy Shoes: There's one thing that has been really irking me recently and that's people trying to keep up with shoe trends. So often we (mainly girls) are influenced by shows like What Not to Wear and Sex in the City, that they try mimicking these shoe trends. These shoes come in all different colors, stripes, shapes, designs. It drives me crazy to see a girl wearing a leopard print dress with shiny red shoes. Come on! Are you telling me leopards wear shiny red heels in the jungle?
9. Beaded Disasters: These are the gaudy shoes that I've seen adorned with all kinds of glittering gems, beads, you name it. There's something about jewelry on a foot that just doesn't sound appealing to me.
10. Tight Shoes on Chubby Toes: There's something about Chicken Mcnugget toes jammed inside a nice pair of stilettos that I just don't understand. I know it's hard to give up the shoes you've been eyeing for a month because they didn't have your size, but that doesn't mean to get a smaller size! I've seen this so many times, where big feet are cramped inside this tiny little shoe. That's like trying to squeze a picture inside a picture frame. If it doesn't fit, there's going to be a crease there, a fold there, and just one big mess.

There's the icing on the cake. Although hair is an important factor in the fashion equation, shoes can really be the hit or miss of a person's wardrobe. You can have your opinion of what really tops an outfit, but I'd rather walk in my own shoes and keep mine.

Theirz Someting Rong Here

Ah, yes. Spring break is here. Classes are out for a whole week. While the majority of the population is out on exotic vacations with their best friends Johnny Walker and Sailor Jerry, I'm at home reading novels and trying to catch up with an unlimited amount of research papers. While most girls are debating about what shade of pink earings go better with their new tunic top, I'm sitting here wondering how some people ended up in college. Normal? Probably not. But what can I say? I'm a dork at heart and even on vacation, literature and grammar sound appealing.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect when it comes to grammar, especially when my mind is in that "zone" and I just want to throw information out there without worrying about every period and proper punctuation. It's more of a careless act. However, just before the break, I couldn't help but note on a fellow classmate's paper a certain grammatical error that I've seen a lot in my college years. You'd think after elementary school, people would know the difference between a contraction and their thumb.

I actually didn't start thinking about these grammatical clashes until I read this one blog. This blog was the muse to my newest post. I thought it would be entertaining to add on to the loose vs. lose mishaps. But my little annoyance is with certain contraction words.

They're VS. Their VS. There

They're: This is what we call a contraction. These are our friends. You know why? They shorten words and make life easier! They're is made up of the words "they" and "are. So here's a simple rule, any moment you want to say: "they are doing something", use the word they're, not their or there for crying out loud! Here are some examples:

• They're in some serious need of some schooling.
• They're not going to get a diploma if they can't spell (which apparently is a total lie).

Their: This form indicates possession of something, such as: their ticket, their boyfriend, their dog, or their horrible grammar. If it doesn't indicate possession, then please refrain from using this form of their.

There: This is the most common form of there I always see in place of their and they're. This talks about location, whether it's concrete, as in: "over there by the car", or more abstract, such as: "I don't know how they live over there".

You're VS. Your

You're: Again, this is another contraction. The two words that make up this contraction are: "you" and "are".

• You're lucky that you graduated.
• You're cute.

Your: This also indicates possession. Whenever you want to say something belongs to you, you use this form of your. Some examples are: your shoe, your diary, your ideas, or your ankle. The list is endless.

There are other mishaps that are common mistakes, but I'll just leave it to my two main peeves. By following these simple guidelines, writing will become second nature, and you won't even have to think about whether he is their or there. In the end, it's just remembering the basics and taking it from there.

It's Music To My Ears

So what makes a song 'catchy'? We aren't exactly living in the Sinatra era, where simple lyrics such as: "I love you... Just the way you look tonight" doesn't appeal to listeners anymore. Why is that? There is something beautiful behind those lyrics. It's short, sweet, and guaranteed to get an "aww" response from any woman. Is it just me or are songs like this just lost in the sea of pop culture?


"I love you...Just the way you look tonight"doesn't cut it anymore. Nowadays in music, it seems as though that simple statement just can't pass. Instead, these words are corrupted by cheesy lyrics explaining everything a person could love about a person, ranging from the truly heartfelt lyrics, to the nasty, "did they just say that?" lyrics. I have to admit that I'm quite the hypocrite, because I've found myself getting drawn to these teeny bopper beats. But as I'm sitting there, jamming to these new stars, I can't help myself catch these ridiculous lyrics! There's millions of undiscovered talent out there, and these people are making millions off of retarded lyrics. All I'm asking for is a catchy song with some originality, not something you wrote on the toilet or coming home from being hammered.

Originality is dead in the music industry. Once we've heard one song, there's another artist coming up with the same concept and a similar beat. Here are a few 'themes' I've discovered in the new music era:




Fill in the Empty Space

Soulja Boy 'Kiss Me Thru The Phone'

She call my phone like da(20x)
We on da phone like da(20x)

We takin pics like da(20x)

She dial my numba like da(10x)

678 triple 9 8212

Britney Spears 'If U Seek Amy'

I can’t get her out of my brain

I just wanna go to the party she gon’ go

Can somebody take me home?

Ha ha he he ha ha ho

Pay attention to the emphasized 'sounds' in both Britney Spears and Soulja Boy's lyrics. It seems as though a lot of music in this day and age run out of lyrics and just put anything to fill the void. Let me tell you something, if I was ever in a conversation with someone and just ran out of things to say, I don't think I would bust out with "da da da da da da da da". That's how people end up in mental institutions. In the case of running out of material in a conversation, I just sit back, and think about another topic to discuss. These artists should seriously consider doing that. It's not that hard!

The Men Bashing Songs

Jazmine Sullivan 'Bust Your Windows'

I bust the windows out your car

And though it didn't mend my broken heart

I'll always have these ugly scars

But right now I don't care about that part.

Carrie Underwood 'Before He Cheats'

I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive

Carved my name into his leather seats

I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,

Slashed a hole in all 4 tires

Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.

First and foremost, I would like to thank these ladies for scaring men from the dating scene. Great job! I understand that when this happens to someone, yes, internally, they feel like doing this, that, and all the above. But keep it to yourself... Because there's one word that sums up these ladies lyrics: psycho.

Did They Seriously Say That?

Kanye West 'Heartless'
How could you be so Dr. Evil, you bringin' out a side of me that I dont know...

Nickelback 'Something in Your Mouth'
And tease them all by sucking on your thumb

Your so much cooler when you never pull it out

Cuz you look so much cuter with something in your mouth

Dr. Evil? Are you serious? It couldn't even be "freakin' evil"? I have to say that I do love Kanye West's music. In the beginning of his song Heartless, I have to admit that the lyrics were quite good. You can actually feel pity for this man whose heart was torn by a "woman so heartless". But then he kills the song by putting Dr. Evil in the mix; I just don't understand it. And Nickelback's song... I think the song will sound cuter with a sock put in his mouth.

Just Rockin'!

Kevin Rudolf 'Let it Rock'
Because when I arrive

I, I bring the fire

Make you come alive

I can take you higher

What is this, forgot?

I must now remind you

Let It Rock

Let It Rock

Let It Rock

Pink 'So What'
Tonight...

I'm alright

I'm just fine

And you're a tool

So...

So what!

I am a rock star

I got my rock moves

And I don't want you tonight

From my experience, anytime anyone has tried to convince me over and over again that something was going to "rock", it was quite the contrary. And I don't know how "cool" it would be if I saw anyone attempting rock moves. As for these songs... They rock, they rock, they rock.

Someone Was Drunk...

Lady GaGa 'Just Dance'
Wish I could shut my playboy mouth, oh oh oh-oh

How'd I turn my shirt inside out? Inside outright

Control your poison babe, roses have thorns they say

And we're all getting hosed tonight, oh oh oh-oh

Jamie Foxx 'Blame it (on the Alcohol)'
Blame it on the goose Got you feeling loose

Blame it on petron Got you in the zone

Blame it on the a a a a a alcohol Blame it on the a a a a a a alcohol

I don't know about you, but whenever I've been drunk I've never discovered that my shirt was inside out. And whenever anyone does make an ass out of themselves from drinking too much, I don't blame the goose or the patron. I blame it on the idiot that can't handle their alcohol.

So there you have it, the men bashing, random, sexy, rockin', alcoholic, lyrics of our era. What is this world coming to?