Thursday, February 5, 2009

Just Sweat it Off

It's one thing to point out flaws in a person, it's another thing to point out certain disorders that cannot be helped or controlled. You may ask where I'm going with this... Well, I have a certain disorder known as Palmer Hyperhidrosis. For those of you that aren't familiar with this disorder, it's basically a disorder where my hands sweat. Now, I understand we all get sweaty hands when we're nervous, scared, or anxious, but in cases of Palmer Hyperhidrosis patients, the sweating is extreme. In some cases, you can see drops of sweat rolling down. I hate the fact that I have to warn people about this disorder a billion and one times, just to avoid the embarrassment! Look, it's not hard to understand people. This is a disorder that both my father and I have, and it makes our hands sweat. Sometimes it's worse than others, and sometimes they don't sweat at all. But if people continuously start pointing out my sweaty little secret, I will be forced to shove my hand in your face! No I won't... I'm a lover, not a fighter. But my hands won't appreciate the awkwardness, and I'm sure they'll sweat more.

I've had so many experiences with my palmer hyperhidrosis that have really bothered me since birth, but it would take a novel to list all of them. So, I'll just stick to a blog sum of experiences:

  • Boys, Boys, Boys As if the dating scene wasn't crazy enough, I've had to put up with the constant explaining before we moved on to the "holding hands" stage. And then when I ended up explaining this supernatural disorder to these boys from the past, I had to go into detail about what this was... Are you ok, are you going to die from it? Can I get it too? (I'm not even kidding, I did get that comment before)... People... It's not a fad you can just pick up, nor is it a highly contagious disease. MY HANDS SWEAT SOMETIMES. I'm not an alien that's going to leak out green acid from my hands. And then I have to continuously watch as they wipe their hands on their jeans after holding my hand.
  • No Manicures For Me Please: The thing with hyperhidrosis is this... Sometimes my hand can feel like any normal hand, but when I'm nervous or people POINT IT OUT, they will sweat more. It's sort of my way of blushing? Anyway, My nails look like total crap because I don't even get them done anymore at nail salons, because I have to deal with the "Eeeeeeew. Your hand wet!" And again... I have to watch as they continuously wipe their hands on their jeans. I remember one episode, where I got this really cranky guy that kept on getting pissed at me because my hands were sweating. He even called some of his regular clients in the store to gather around and look at my hands. Needless to say... He didn't get a tip.
  • CLEAR YOUR DESK OF ALL PAPERS We've heard this phrase several of times when test time comes... Of course, due to my hands, I have to keep a little folded paper out so my palm won't soak through the damn test. Half the times in class I got screamed at for "not following directions", because... I didn't clear my desk of "everything". So... I constantly had to explain to all my teachers about my disorder, and make a mini scene in the classroom with the folded piece of paper in my hand.
  • Why Is This Wet? There have been several of times when someone has grabbed a notebook or object of mine that I had been holding, and they'd look at the thing with horror and scream: "Oh my God! Why is this all wet Jade?! Did you piss on this?! It's on my hands now!" And of course I had to give the whole spiel about what it was....And again, watch as they wiped their hands on their jeans.
  • That's A Mighty Wet(?) Handshake You've Got There: I dread handshakes... I'm just lucky I live in Miami, where I can get away with kissing people on the cheek. If people don't go by that rule of greeting... Yes...You've guessed it... I have to watch them wipe their hands on their jeans.

I understand that curiosity gets the best of us sometimes, but sometimes it puts people in extremely awkward situations. I've learned to laugh at this disorder and answer questions about it. Sometimes people ask why I don't have surgery done for it. There is a surgery for this, but there is a chance that I may come out with sandpaper hands, or mild sweating in other places (according to the doctor). Hmm... Clammy hands vs. sweating on every possible body crevice? No thanks... I'll keep my disorder and you can just wipe your hands on your jeans and walk away.