Thursday, February 19, 2009

The Neighbors From Hell

We all dream of the day when we move into the perfect house with the perfect scenery, the environment which involves the white picket fence, a decently sized peach three bedroom, two bathroom house, with the perfect roof, perfect green grass with a charming little labrador puppy rolling around with its favorite toy. The sweet little peach house seems to be highlighted by clear azure skies every single day, along with a friendly little community of neighbors surrounding it. In reality, do we always get that? Not in my case!

Forget the charming little labradors next door that you can greet with a smile and "Hey Rover!", instead, there's an unfriendly Cerberus, barking all hours of the morning and night. Forget the clear azure skies, because that's blocked off by a fellow neighbor's ugly wooden fence and overcrowded amusement park in his backyard. Forget the sweet family with two flawless parents and two darling children, because that family expanded into an overpopulated town filled with loud, abnoxious, inconsiderate people. These are my neighbors. Aint it grand? Surrounding my depressed little house are my neighbors I like to call: Amusement Park Neighbors, Single College Guy Neighbor, and Sardine Can Neighbors. Here's a brief overview, ranging from the "not so bad" to "holy crap!"

  • Amusement Park Neighbors: This is the family that lives to the left side of me. Now, personality wise, these people are tops. The family consists of a wife and a husband and their two sons ages five and seven, and their adorable dog Spike. I have absolutely no conflict with these people, personality wise. They say "good morning" every morning, and chat about their days in the afternoon. However, here's where the problem comes in. This man is ALWAYS doing some sort of construction with his house, or doing something ridiculous to his lawn. I understand that it's their lawn, and their business, but it's kind of annoying when you have to drive by Pee Wee's playhouse every day and night. It first started off cute. "Oh my goodness! How adorable, they have a little pond by the house." a few weeks later: "Oh wow... they're really expanding on the pond. Look at all those rocks." A few months later: "What the hell is that? A mountain?" A year later: "Ok seriously, who the hell needs a moat in their backyard, guarded by a dozen hideous garden nomes?" In addition to the moat in the front of the house, there's a series of tacky lights leading up to the doorway, followed by a HUGE playground for the kids. That's right... You heard me correctly... Not a little swingset, it's an actual playground that is BIGGER than the house (Keep in mind, the backyard isn't that big at all. I live in a typical middle class neighborhood). Our houses are separated by one ugly random wooden gate (the rest of the house is surrounded by a wire gate). And there's all sorts of floral decorations all around the house. To keep up with the tacky greenery, he waters the plants every night with the sprinkler. Well, since the plants are closer to my house, where do you think the water also goes? In order to get into my house, I have to squish through the mushy grass to get to the door. This is not a fun process.

  • Single College Guy Neighbor: Now, this guy has lived on the right side of my house for quite some time now. Here's the catch: when he was growing up in this house, he lived in the company of his parents and his sister (whom was my best friend growing up). For years,I've never had any trouble with this house. It was always peaceful and quiet. The mother was a very sweet and caring person. The father was questionable, and kind of irritable, but nonetheless, QUIET. I had absolutely no problems. Well, within the last few years, my best friend moved out to attend school in Georgia, and the parents followed shortly after, moving closer to the father's occupation. With everyone being gone, this left the whole house to this single college guy. Two words... FRAT HOUSE. I'm not even sure if this guy is taking classes, because there's always a group of guys and a couple of girls going in and out of the house, and every once in a blue moon, they'll play loud music in all hours of the night (did I mention that the house is right by my bedroom window?), meanwhile, I have class at 8 in the morning. I don't know what has been going on lately, but I thought the concerts were over and the frat house was officially closed, however, there's a new annoyance in the mix. I have no idea where this guy goes, but I hardly ever see a car there. So all was peaceful until Scruffy was put into the picture. I love animals, don't get me wrong. I practically have a zoo at my house! However, this is the dog from hell. This is the sort of dog that a person looks at and wonders, "why the hell did you get this thing?" For starters, it's not cute whatsoever. It looks like an evil spawn of Satan, it's not even friendly (it snarls at me, and barks at the owner when he comes home), and he barks nonstop morning till night. Now, I know my neighbor doesn't have a problem with this ugly thing because he's never home, but I sure as hell do!

  • Sardine Can Neighbors: These are the type of people families pray they never move next to. Well, these people live across the street from me. While the other neighbors I have, have rather pleasant personalies just annoying habits, these people are the unfriendliest, rudest bunch I have ever met. For starters, there are over ten cars constantly parked at that house. To be quite honest, if I saw a person standing in front of that house, I would probably not know whether or not that person lived there (it's that crowded). They're the type of people who celebrate every occassion. "Little Amelia lost a tooth? Let's celebrate till 4 in the morning! Why the hell not? Let's YELL AT THE TOP OF OUR LUNGS to celebrate this joyous occassion!" On New Year's I almost had a heart attack. There were five people on the roof shooting a gun in the air screaming like a bunch of maniacs. To top that off, they always have new cars added to the collection of cars in their front lawn, and when there's no space, where do you think the cars park? You guessed it correctly... In front of our mushy lawn, with the idiot Scruffy yelping and barking on top of that noise. There was even one time two women let a little girl inside our gate to play with our dogs (without asking). I walked outside to get the mail, and there was a little terror wrestling with my dog! The ladies just stood there with no greeting, not even regarding my presence. They just stood there like a couple of turkey buzzards.

There you have it. This is my oasis, my utopia, my dream. I'm hoping one day my time will come when I can live in my perfect home. But in the meantime, I'll take what I can have, mushy grass, turkey buzzards, devil dogs, and all. For now this is my home sweet home, flaws and all.