Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mother's Day Is A Time For Ulcers

Mother's Day... We see it every year on television. We see a mother praising her husband for her "every kiss begins with K" jewelry, a mother jumping with joy at a lame card that says "Mom, you rock!" on it, and a mother cherishing her four year old child's fruit loop art piece of a random donkey. In reality, does Mother's Day have that perfect ending? Not exactly. In reality, the angry wife raises a brow at her husband's attempt of appreciation with his swap shop jewelry and replies with "that's it? I pushed out YOUR child, and this is the thanks I get? A paper clip on rope?" The Mother whose teenage son/daughter gave her a "you rock!" card never seems to find the card anywhere in the house, and when approaching the mother with the topic of the mystery disappearance is answered with the classic "Oh! it's in my files somewhere (funny thing is... There doesn't seem to be a single file in the house. The day Mother's Day is mentioned, mothers worldwide turn into file clerks). And that fruit loop art piece? It ends up making a nice Mother's Day present for a family of roaches and ants.

I thought this Mother's Day was going to be different. I wanted to get my mother and my grandmother something nice for Mother's Day, rather than the typical card and chocolates. After all, my mother and my grandmother spent a fortune on me this winter on clothing for my New York trip.

The Day was supposed to go something like this:

- Eat brunch with boyfriend and his mother.

- Go to grandmother's and wait for $70 orchid set up and make it all pretty before she gets home (she went to the Keys with my Uncle and his wife).

- Have Mom praise me for the $200 necklace that arrived today and then go out to a movie of her choice.

Did that happen?

Of course not.

This is the story that the television doesn't tell.

The plans were already getting out of place when my boyfriend's mother contacted him saying that she couldn't come down to Florida this week. Well, he had already made reservations to eat at Acqua at the Four Seasons. Cancelling it at the last second, he would have had to pay a fee. So we just said "screw it" and decided to go on our own for brunch. The whole morning, we were trying to get in contact with our mothers and had no such luck. My mom was in bed sleeping, and his was busy. The two of us were quite the random pair. While tables were full of generations of mothers and their children, there sat the table for two. It's ok though. That part of Mother's Day was actually the fun part. Even though we felt a tad bit awkward being in the family oriented environment, we didn't have to worry about screaming children at our table. The only children we had at our table were six of them. All of them going by the name of Mimosa and Bloody Mary. Unlike everyone else's children, ours made us relax!

After the entertaining brunch, it was my turn to spend quality time with my Mother (who was sleeping all day). When I asked if her Mother's Day present had come yet, she said no, mind you... It was already past one. When I asked her if she'd like to go to the movies with me, she replied with: "no not really." (No present and a rejection from my Mom... MAN! I felt good.) When I arrived at my grandma's, hoping to be greeted by a box of flowers by the door, I was greeted by an ugly gecko in the place where the box should have been waiting.

I wasn't too worried. I've received packages around 4 sometimes (but typically they come in early afternoon). Four o'clock rolls by... No knock... six o'clock rolls by... No knock. By seven o'clock my grandmother already came back home... So when asked what I was doing there, the surprise was ruined. I called Florist Express/ ProFlowers (Express/ Pro my ass), and at first, I was greeted with a recording that said this:

"We're sorry, but due to the busy holiday, calls cannot be completed at this time. To make an order go to our website, to talk to someone, please send our customer service representatives an e-mail."

WHAT? Oh boy... I sent them an e-mail. I sent them a five paragraph e-mail chewing the company out, telling them how unprofessional it is to have a recording talk to dissatisfied customers, and how they were eager to take my money the day I ordered the flowers rather than having a customer as their top priority. Ironically enough, when I called thirty minutes later, I didn't talk to a recording but an actual person.

I explained to the woman that my gift for my grandmother didn't arrive the day I wanted it to (I paid an extra 13 bucks to have it delivered on Mother's Day). She assured me that it would be delivered by tomorrow morning. I demanded for a refund and at first she refused to give me a refund for the thirteen dollars! I explained to her that it wasn't fair that I paid thirteen dollars to have it delivered on Mother's Day, and now it's getting there a day late. The response I got? "But it's getting there tomorrow..." Look, my grandmother is old. By the time tomorrow rolls by she's going to forget that Mother's Day was the day before. It just doesn't have the same feeling! Eventually, justice pulled through and I got my refund.

As for my Mother's gift? That's another call I have to make tomorrow.

Sorry Mom and Baba, but for next Mother's Day, it's back to the "you rock" cards and chocolates.