Friday, March 20, 2009

10 Things I Hate About Shoes

People often say that the hair is the icing on the cake in a person's appearance. I disagree. Believe it or not, I think people can get away with the Mowgli look or even go back in time to the 80s ( just as long as you have the fashion sense to back it up). But nothing makes me cringe more than the sound or appearance of disturbing shoes. I could deal with a mullet, just for the love of God put on a decent pair of nice, clean, matching, simple, shoes. So here it goes, a list from one through ten of my common shoe problems:

  1. Guys wearing sandals with long pants: I don't know when this fashion trend started, but can it please stop? For crying out loud, are you going to the beach or going on a date? I can't help but feel confused when I see this. First I see a nice shirt, some casual jeans, everything is covered up except for a pair of hairy feet. Why? I can understand wearing this mismatching combination when lounging at the house or not really doing anything that day, but out at the mall? I'm hoping that these mismatching faux pas are going to the mall to buy a new pair of shoes, because that sense of fashion just doesn't mix.
  2. Loud Sandals: In this case, I understand that the "flopping" sound cannot be helped. I have a pair of these and it's impossible to shut them up. The light flopping I can take, but it's the shoes that sound like a broom is being beaten over a desk that I can't stand. These are normally caused by large platform sandals that girls wear. Get lighter sandals! You're tugging around huge logs on your feet, no wonder it sounds like a drum session.
  3. Overly High Stilettos: I understand that some girls want to "appear" taller, just like some girls want to appear to have a larger chest, a smaller waist, and inch long eyelashes (yikes), but there's nothing wrong with a "little" heel. I always find it awkward when I see a girl dressed nicely, and then all of a sudden I see her with a pair of stilts. Meanwhile, they're stumbling around trying to act sexy in seven inch heels.
  4. Stinky Shoes: Have you ever been in the situation where you're sitting in class or at the office, when all of a sudden you get a whiff of something that smells like road kill? Well, that's happened to me plenty of times. This typically happens with open toed shoes. Closed toed shoes are okay, because I don't have to smell them. It's the open toed ones you really have to watch out for. Here's some advice... Feet sometimes sweat,and sometimes they get wet from puddles. Whenever feet get wet, bacteria starts to grow inside the shoe. Since you're walking in them all day, and they don't have any room to breathe, the bacteria locks in and voila, that is when the smell comes. It's good to retire a pair of shoes and let them air out. Switch shoes every now and then. And in between breathing breaks, wash them out and spray them with Lysol. Once everything is sanitized, let them air dry in the sun. This will usually get the smell out.
  5. Dirty Shoes: There's nothing worse than a pair of white shoes that turn grey with dirt and filth.
  6. The War Shoes: These are the shoes that people refuse to give away. It's normally a favorite pair that has survived many heartbreaks and experiences with the owner for a couple of years. You know the ones... After years of walking in these shoes, they slowly but surely start to tear away. They're hanging by a single strap, or have barely survived through dog catastrophes. there comes a time in everyone's life when you just have to let go and toss the shoes in the trash. I have a friend that has a pair of these "war shoes" that she has had for over three years. She superglued/stapled/and taped these shoes to the best of her ability. But the mending won't fix the areas of cat scratches and strange stains. So I told her to let the shoes go... Unfortunately, it's a hard process for some people.
  7. Tuxedo Shoes for WOMEN: Here's the story... I was in jury duty, doing some people watching (I refused to watch the Julia Robert's movie on the tv), when all of a sudden a girl sat next to me. At first, naturally I looked at her and said to myself: "wow, this girl is really dressed nice. I love her outfit!" when all of a sudden I looked to her feet and stared in horror at these hideous tuxedo heels. Luckily, I was one of the first group of people called into the jury room.
  8. The New Trendy Shoes: There's one thing that has been really irking me recently and that's people trying to keep up with shoe trends. So often we (mainly girls) are influenced by shows like What Not to Wear and Sex in the City, that they try mimicking these shoe trends. These shoes come in all different colors, stripes, shapes, designs. It drives me crazy to see a girl wearing a leopard print dress with shiny red shoes. Come on! Are you telling me leopards wear shiny red heels in the jungle?
  9. Beaded Disasters: These are the gaudy shoes that I've seen adorned with all kinds of glittering gems, beads, you name it. There's something about jewelry on a foot that just doesn't sound appealing to me.
  10. Tight Shoes on Chubby Toes: There's something about Chicken Mcnugget toes jammed inside a nice pair of stilettos that I just don't understand. I know it's hard to give up the shoes you've been eyeing for a month because they didn't have your size, but that doesn't mean to get a smaller size! I've seen this so many times, where big feet are cramped inside this tiny little shoe. That's like trying to squeze a picture inside a picture frame. If it doesn't fit, there's going to be a crease there, a fold there, and just one big mess.

There's the icing on the cake. Although hair is an important factor in the fashion equation, shoes can really be the hit or miss of a person's wardrobe. You can have your opinion of what really tops an outfit, but I'd rather walk in my own shoes and keep mine.