Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Diet Stress

My New Year's resolution ladies and gentlemen:

Shed some extra pounds and tone up!

It sounds pretty simple wouldn't you say? Well, I thought so at first too. You see, in my family, we have a "fend for oneself" sort of deal. Since all of us have pretty hectic schedules, none of us have a scheduled sit down time, eating time, etc. Basically, we cook, clean, and eat for ourselves whenever it seems necessary.

With all that being said, I thought this diet would have been no biggie. All I would have to do was control my calorie intake, go to the gym four times a week, and I would be set. After all, when I wasn't on a diet, and as lazy as I was, would ask people to run to McDonald's for me to grab a Big Mac, no one would do it anyway! So I said to myself: "Hmm... Well, since temptation isn't an issue in this house, I won't really have to worry about anything will I?" Boy, was I dead wrong.

The first week of the diet started out as so:

Everything was going great, I was on track with everything, eating/exercise routines, completely eliminating junk food, just like all the trusty diet web pages say... And there I was, munching on grilled lemon chicken and asparagus, when I hear a PLOP on the table. I peer over to the kitchen counter and what do you think I see? A HUGE Papa John's Pizza smothered in cheese, every piece of meat imaginable, and peppers. If looks could kill, my Dad would be a dead man.

And this has been my life for almost a month now. Apparently, my parents made a New Year's resolution to torment Jade with beloved greasy goodness every week for the rest of the year.

Accorrding to a couple of diet sources, there are ways to cure the greasy temptation. Are you ready? You'll get a kick out of these:

  • Learn to be motivated.

  • Don't keep any temptations around (Sure... Let me just whip everyone at getty's and whatnot that put Doritos on the table).

  • Whenever temptation occurs battle it with a book or movie you enjoy! (Because Shakespeare doesn't make me want to kill myself with a calorie overdose... and how's about I watch a movie while I...chew on my nails?)

  • Keep a "skinny" outfit aside as motivation

  • Have a hearty breakfast to avoid "binging" between meals (Yes, on a 1200 calorie diet, oatmeal, egg whites, and wheat bread is definately going to keep me energized throughout the day!)

  • Last but not least (my favorite): Keep a bag of healthy snacks to munch on whenever temptations are encountered (Ok... For Superbowl Sunday whenever everyone is eating pizza, nachos and cheese, the works, I'll stay strong with my carrot stick in my hand).

Monday, January 26, 2009

A Pet is Born

If a person speaks their mind without thinking about how they'll offend someone, we're often quick to label them terms such as: "bitch", "ass", "jerk", "tool", the harsh names are endless. However, what makes a bitch a bitch? Is it the girl in the club who points out flaws such as frizzy hair and awkwardness about other people? What makes a jerk a jerk? Is it the guy who cuts you off in a traffic jam and flips you the bird in the meantime? If those are the stereotypical jerks and asses of our nation, don't we all secretly posses these traits? I'm going to confess here, my name is Jade and I'm a secret jerkaholic. Although I wouldn't dare to voice my thoughts "out there", I have certain peeves that choke me till this day.